If you work full-time, you already know how much time and effort it takes to master work-life balance. Add to that a relationship, and it becomes even harder.
As a psychologist who studies couples — and who has a working wife — I’ve faced these challenges firsthand. Thankfully, my job as both a researcher and husband has taught me how important it is to be intentional about how my wife and I spend our time, specifically on weekends.
Here’s how people in the happiest, most successful relationships spend their free time:
1. They put their phones away
A couple who spends a lot of time together, but is constantly distracted by texts, emails or social media, probably isn’t as happy as a couple who spends less time together, but without their phones.
That’s why carving out one-on-one time without any interference from technology is so important. And how you spend that time is actually irrelevant. It doesn’t need to be extravagant or planned down to the minute. What matters is presence.
It could be a quiet morning coffee where you exchange unfiltered thoughts, a slow walk to fill the silence, or a good old wining-and-dining — as long as the phones and laptops are put away.
2. They engage in ‘parallel play’
After a draining week of work, it’s normal and even healthy to crave solitude. But it can be hard to choose between “me time” and “we time.”
Luckily, there’s a way to satiate the need for both alone time and bonding simultaneously. “Parallel play,” a concept derived from child psychology, is when two people engage in their preferred activity separately, but alongside each other.
For couples, this might look like one partner reading on the couch, while the other plays their favorite video game next to them. They might not be engaging directly with one another, but they’re still intentionally sharing space and de-stressing with an activity they each enjoy.
It’s basically a way of saying: “I love you, but I also need to love me for an hour or two. Let’s do it together.”
3. They create a ritual
Relationships thrive on ritual. Coming home to your partner and knowing that the weekend will bring something familiar — something reliably yours — can be comforting.
In fact, research shows that rituals can help couples organize their lives in a way that allows for both change and stability to coexist. Individuals can merge into a shared identity that feels distinct from either person alone. You can ground yourselves together, no matter what chaos surrounds you.
What those rituals look like is completely up to you. Don’t shy away from cheesy. It could be Sunday morning pancakes, or board game night with a goofy scoreboard on the fridge. If you’re more practical, maybe it’s a weekly sit-down over a glass of wine to plan out the week, or tackling one nagging chore together with your shared playlist in the background.
4. They put sex on the schedule
Studies show that couples who have a satisfying sex life are more likely to be happier in their relationships.
But with endless chores and errands, weekends can start to feel like a second workweek — with little time left over for intimacy. Sex quickly starts to feel like less of a priority.
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That’s why structured intimacy can be a good thing. Many people think it can diminish spontaneity, but if anything, it actually removes the mental fatigue of trying to make intimacy happen.
It’s also a great way for couples to engage without distraction, all while combating the emotional strain of work. So, make it intentional and set a time.
5. They laugh on purpose
Playfulness, according to research, is one of the most reliable tools couples can use to strengthen their relationship. It can boost relationship satisfaction, ease conflict and break up the sense of monotony that partners can start to resent.
During the week, we unknowingly train ourselves to look for things to stress over. But on weekends, we need to take those goggles off. The act of being silly — and being met with silliness in return — helps us reconnect with the childlike wonder we carry inside that gets buried beneath our responsibilities.
So, look for joy on purpose. Maybe you pull out a trivia game with nonsense rules or challenge each other to a dance battle.
There’s no right or wrong way to be playful, and chances are, you already know how to make your partner laugh. You just have to remember to do it.
Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.
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